dating life: a guide to online dating profile etiquette

Los Angeles, CA
Online Dating Screenshots
Various Dates

My online dating profile is well-written with no spelling errors. I have no duck-lip-faced photos nor do I have any sexy photos. Four of my five pictures posted, are smiling shots of me in a nice top and blazer. That is me.

I’m not trying to be someone I’m not nor do I to be perceived easy, because I’m not. I’m happy and optimistic by nature and I’m a responsible, together, no BS kind of woman. If I go out with you, I’ll be in a nice top with jeans and a blazer with heels or in a dress with a blazer and heels.  You get what you see.  As I navigate the waters in the online dating scene, I’ve come across a few do’s and don’ts for myself and for guys.  You may or may not agree with them, but this works for me.

DO:

1.  ALWAYS have at least one smiling photo in your profile.  Preferably your main profile picture. I’ve actually suggested this to a handful of guys and 90% of the time they thank me and do it with great results.  Even better…make it outdoors in natural light–so much more flattering.  Most women, including myself, like happy men.  Who wants someone miserable?  Same for the women.  And make sure all photos are current.  I  good rule of thumb is to a have at least one photo taken at 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, and 1 year ago.

2. Use proper spelling, punctuation and some grammar in your profile. It’s like a resume remember?

myprofile-saymorethanhi3.  Include one or two preferences physically.  I prefer tall, stocky or average Latin men with kids of their own. Some men prefer Asian or petite women.  I am neither of those.  So, I move on because although we’d get along great based on common interests, he’ll never want to poke me.

4.  Include several specific interests to you, not just the broad ones.  Everyone loves comedy shows, the beach, dining and staying home on occasion. But I’m a paper fanatic.  I enjoy baking only chocolate chip cookies, playing Bananagrams and traveling 3-4 times a year.

5.  Read the profile . What if (s)he has a HUGE long check-list of things?  Clearly, someone with trust issues and/or drama you may not want to deal with.  Or if they have nothing on their profile, be suspect!  What are they hiding?

6.  Follow your gut or instincts.  Period.  There are crazies out there.

DON’T:

1.  Do not only message a girl based on her photo or just comment on her picture.  Because if she is a pretty girl, she will hear it all the time.  Instead, go ahead and admire but then pick out at least ONE specific thing in her profile so she knows you’re actually interested in her as person!  Trust me.  Women care.  Same advice for the women to follow.

2.  Do not include a check-list of what you’re looking for.  It’s insensitive and it says you have too many emotional baggage issues.  Dating should be fun and half of that is finding out on an individual basis what works between two adults! I prefer tall, confident Latin men.  (Darwinism at its finest). I don’t like liars, cheaters, procrastinators, men with no initiative or who make less money than I do and who live more than a 10 mile squared radius.  But do I list all of that?  No.  Will anyone ever admit they are any of those things?  No. Getting to know someone is more important to discover these traits!  But should have deal breakers?–You better believe it!

3. After the age of 25, your introduction should not be anything like Mr. P.Drake here.  He did better his second attempt, but if I roll my eyes and say “oh brother” the first time I read your email, (specifically mentioning the butchering of the English language in my profile) and I’m thinking why would I be attracted to a picture of a girl licking your cheek as your profile picture?  We are probably not going to get along.  You should know that after his third attempt saying, ” I rock!!  You rock? Then let’s rock!!” I replied, “I’m looking for something else, but good luck in your search.”

datingdont2

4.  Don’t ignore questions or give only one or five word replies.  If asked a question, answer it and end your conversation with a question of your own to continue the dialogue.

5. Don’t just write “hi” or “hello”.  It’ll be 50 years before you go out on a first date!

6.  Don’t expect an answer within 5 minutes of sending an email.  The person on the receiving end should have a life and be out living it.  I know I am.  As for myself, if and when I get a moment, I’ll reply.  I understand not all men or women are this way, but if you can’t step away from technology, it means you won’t ever have a genuine connection.  A laugh, a smile, talking with your hands, dry wit or sarcasm, attraction is best experienced in person.  If you’re not interested, simply say so.  Most appreciate the reply and will wish you luck in your search.

Now this may not work for everyone.  If you’re looking for a hook-up, by all means ignore all of this.  But I genuinely think its a common sense guide to online dating etiquette and screening out the crazies.  Have fun!

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