Santa Barbara, California
January 12, 2012
In my twenties, women had a tendency to distrust me around their men. I never pursued taken men or at least men who I knew were taken. I didn’t understand why and nor did I care enough to change that. I was one of the guys, always have been and will likely always be. I grew up with my father for a substantial part of my formidable years and as a result, I understood what friendship meant to them.
I am easy-going. I love sports. I don’t complain or whine about them. I am quick to give a pat on the back and listen when they finally open up without judgement or ulterior motives. So, naturally, their girlfriends, didn’t understand why they liked hanging out with me unless I was giving “it” up. What they didn’t understand is that I was just a friend with girlie body parts.
As my thirties began to approach me, I realized I needed to confide in my own kind. But how do I do that? I was completely clueless. It was a LOT of trial and error, willingness to trust in someone close to me only to have them betray me with the men in my life, and plenty of pettiness and drama that I became a permanent eye-roller. Aha. That is why women in their 20’s didn’t believe me when I was REALLY just a friend. Women suck.
I decided to be VERY selective of the type of woman I tried to befriend. One day, 5 co-workers agreed to have a dinner. At first, it was uncomfortable. How could I divulge personal information to this group of strangers who I see in the hallways? How will I trust they won’t use it against me?
Then the oddest thing happened. One of us said what I was thinking and the group collectively paused, sighed and released the tension of the unknown we were holding. Whatever is said at the table, stays at the table. We were all professional, successful, independent, opinionated, creative and self-driven women for a reason. NONE of us had girlfriends. We all came with the hope to change that.
And so, we did. Every month, a core group of us meet for dinner and cocktails, a movie, or birthday parties. Some of the women come and go. Some can’t always make it. Sometimes we bring other women by invitation only to see if they fit into our group of genuine positivity and empowerment. Not everyone makes the cut.
Some of us have babies now. Some are pregnant. Some are married. Some are shopping around scripts and travel TV pilots. Some of us are starting an accessory line and a fashion/home empire. Some of us create content for TV shows you watch everyday. Some of us are starting design businesses or developing apps for iPhones. But once a month, we put everything aside and simply enjoy being a good friend.
These are my girls. They amaze me. They inspire me. They remind me to enjoy and embrace life.
That is me in the photo laughing, throwing my head back with no caution to the wind. Here’s to great friends and hope that you surround yourself with people who are kick-ass!
Raise glass or two to the friends in your life.