Before and After…

Waterfall on the Inka Trail
So…its been a hell of a year. The notable word is “hell”. But the holidays are coming and with it, the new year. I can’t wait for a clean slate and reboot.

But I will say, I ended my summer with a wonderful send-off. I just recently returned from Peru and it was an amazing experience, but a VERY long-overdue and well-deserved vacation. Just me. No monkeys or baby-daddy drama. No work, no blackberry, no internet connection in the Amazon. It was just me and my dusty camera taking to cobble-stoned streets, dusty trails and catamarans.

The noise of my life was silenced by views of Machu Picchu, ruins of lost cities, amazingly simple food and the sounds of the jungle at night. Peace. Finally, I found peace.

I returned home to my life responsibilities as a single mother, a dedicated photo editor, reliable friend, enthusiastic PTA committee motivator and an emotional grounded and optimistic woman.

Before I left I wanted to my ex to die. Yep, no shame in that.

My life would be less complicated. I just wanted to him to drop dead and make my life easier. Now, I don’t wish him harm, but I’m glad he’s out of my life. Do I miss him? Of course. Do I miss having a whole family unit? Absolutely. Will I forgive him for betrayal, disloyalty and lies and take him back? NEVER. But since I’ve been back, no more ill wishes. Progress.

Before I left I was maxed out at work. Everyday, non-stop work with servicing and fulfillment. If I left for lunch, I’d simply pick something up and bring back to my office or I ordered take-out for delivery. There was no time on my lunch breaks for swimming anymore. Now, I can leave for a proper lunch and I’m hoping to make time this week for my first swim since the Redondo Beach Triathlon back in June!

Before I left, I lost all patience with my mother. Everything she did annoyed me. Everything she said seemed trivial and irrelevant. Since I’ve returned, I listen and reply with lovely general comments . I remind myself when she asks me the same question and I’m repeating my answer for the 4th or 5th time, this is my mother. She doesn’t do it intentionally to bug me. She’s just not detailed oriented if it answers don’t directly affect her.

Before I Peru if Nathan asked me for a cup of juice, I would have snapped, “Get it yourself.” And now since I’ve been back, its “Sure kiddo. Whatcha want?”

I’m generous again. My cup is half full. Life gave me lemons, I made lemonade. Thank you Peru.


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